I realized something recently. Life isn’t hard because of all the bills, chores, and work. Life is hard because I finally have nothing to look forward to.
My mom won’t let me have chocolate before lunch. I can’t wait to grow up so I can eat whatever I want.
I got in trouble for sneaking out to my girlfriends house on a school night. I can’t wait to graduate so I can do whatever I want.
The cops showed up to our party last night and nearly arrested me for underage drinking. I can’t wait to be 21 so I can drink and smoke whatever I feel like.
If I spend one more night losing sleep so I can study 4 months of chemistry in 12 hours I’m going to lose it. I can’t wait to graduate again.
Or something along those lines.
If you’re like me it may just be “I can’t wait to grow up so I can finally join a band and live the life I was meant to live!”.
That never happened.
What am I supposed to look forward to now?
I can eat whatever I want, but I should probably stop doing that.
I’m starting to feel the unwanted effects of chocolate before lunch.
I live with my fiancé, so sneaking out isn’t necessary.
I can drink all I want, but that’s starting to get depressing.
It also makes me sick.
And sure, I don’t have to stay up all night studying, but all I ever do is work and lose sleep, so what’s the difference?
Am I complaining?
Yes, but I know that won’t do much for me.
That’s why I’m choosing to do something about this.
I hate complaining.
I have a lot to be grateful for.
I’ve always had a roof over my head, a parent to tell me what to do, and the opportunity to put myself through school.
What’s the issue then?
My life can’t be… I go to work. I get some of my chores done. I go to bed. I do it all again.
There comes a point in every stage of life where we’re smacked in the face by our own thoughts. What am I doing?
I don’t know.
What am I looking forward to next?
After a lot of thinking, I’ve decided that being a rockstar might not be the meaning of my life.
I want something more for all of us.
There MUST be something more for us then working, stressing, being broke, repeat.
That’s not the reality for everyone.
There’s this curve of wealth in our world. The top 1% make more than the rest of us combined.
When you consider the fact that we’re all human and deserve equal rights, that seems insane, right? I can’t be the only one who finds this fact frustrating. If we know this, why aren’t we doing anything about it?
I’m not only complaining. I have a point.
If the top 1% were willing to redistribute their wealth, we’d all be equals and we’d live equal in society.
Or at the very least, we wouldn’t be so unequal.
I don’t think that’ll ever happen. The top 1% don’t care how the rest of us live.
They don’t care if people go without food, water, or shelter. They don’t care that people are out here killing themselves because the stress is overwhelming and they can’t afford to throw money at all of their problems.
Why would they care? They don’t have to deal with it.
Why am I writing this?
My meaning in life, I hope, is to do what they aren’t willing to do.
I’m not rich. Not even close.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have any power in this world.
I can choose to support the person next to me. To listen to someone who has no one to listen to them. To be a friend, partner, sibling, child, or whatever who listens and cares.
I can put that extra $5 I have to someone who needs it more.
Volunteering time or effort. Even just trying to make someone laugh is a better difference then living in constant frustration and only adding to the pain of others.
Wouldn’t retail work be more appealing if everyone was decent? What if our bosses stayed humble and paid us respect instead of underpaying us and making us do more then we should.
I’m starting from where I am. I used to spend most of my time creating, learning, and trying to improve myself.
That wasn’t a bad idea or investment, but what if I put some of that energy into improving my little world? What if I was better to the people around me?
I could try to be the next big thing and influence the world, or I can positively impact the people around me.
What is the point of this writing? It’s an existential crisis with minor solutions and scattered thoughts.
It’s what’s been going on in my head the last few months as I contemplate if I’m a failure for not finding my “thing”. For not being a self made millionaire already. For not having changed the world by age 23.
It’s what it feels like being a post grad in a modern society.
It’s the thoughts I wake up to every morning that kept me up the night before.
It’s the reason I smile at the person who hands me my breakfast sandwich and wish them a good day.
It’s the reason I apologize to the person I yelled at for asking me to do something when I was “busy”.
I’m sorry, I was stressed, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.
We’re all stressed, but I hope your day is less stressful now.
I hope we can all focus on the things that matter to us.
I hope we’re not all spending our lives chasing what comes next.
What am I supposed to look forward to now?
A world I actually want to live in.
Inspired by Post Grad by Modern Diet