It’s hard to deal with those situations when someone is being unreasonable, hateful, or disrespectful to you. I relate those feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, and spite when this happens. The issue is… those feelings don’t help.
They can often do more harm than good.
It’s incredibly frustrating when you do nothing wrong and still end up receiving unfair treatment from others.
So I’m not here to tell you to “get over it”. I hate that so much. If you want to make an angry person angrier that’s probably the easiest way to do it. Nah, I’m here to explain how I learned to keep other people’s hateful and selfish actions from getting me down.
As I read one of my daily devotionals last week something stood out at me. “Love your enemies”.
Ew. I was so mad I didn’t really want to hear it.
I’ve heard about loving your enemies before, and when I’m in a good mood I tend to agree, but I wasn’t really in a loving mood that day. Then the passage followed along with “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for your enemy to die.”
I don’t want to keep anyone from hearing this, so regardless what you believe in I think anyone can use this advice. Feeling spite, anger, and seeking revenge truly is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to suffer.
When I was recently ~disrespected~ for doing ~nothing at all to anyone~ I let that get to me. I spoke angrily toward those who were showing me they didn’t care about me, and for that I ended up having several panic attacks and a good few ruined evenings. What was the worst part? I suspect none of those people had any panic or bad times because of it.
Not that I want them to suffer or anything, but when I put it into perspective I feel almost silly for letting their selfish actions hurt me when I know they’re doing just fine.
What was I gaining? Nothing. What was I losing? My peace of mind.
Never let anyone steal your piece of mind.
I really wasn’t sure what to do with this though. I was so angry and I just wanted them to know how wrong they were. But again, what’s the point? I can’t change them.
But there is a silver lining under it all.
If I can’t change the people around me, at least I can change myself.
I know. I hate hearing that too when I’m down.
It’s the sad truth. Meanies won’t ever stop being meanies and we have to create our own peace by guarding our own hearts. The “fix” happens inside.
I talked a big game for someone who was getting HEATED about my situation recently. Something had to give and that was me.
At first I was hoping things would change. Whenever I vented to a close friend about the situation they would agree that it was an uncool situation and I was right to be upset. And they were right about that.
Releasing has its place, but dwelling… not so much.
I see nothing wrong with sharing my situation so I can receive emotional support, but I don’t think dwelling and festering on the situation did much for me.
What did my counselor recommend? (This is the point where I interject and say therapy is amazing and if you have access I highly recommend it.) She reminded me that I have positive support and I should focus more on that. I should also share my feelings with some people close to me since I felt like I wasn’t stood up for enough. Lastly, I should remember that nothing is forever and even though I wasn’t on the best of terms with some people right now I might not feel that way forever. And by golly that helped a lot.
Do you know how many people I’ve been angry at in the last four years? So many people got super close to me and then ~were mean~ a couple months later. But that’s their issue, I’m dope as f*ck. And I’m not letting anyone change that about me.
Resenting someone or something is only changing you, not the situation. I was not as fun when I was mad, but I’m fun as f*ck so I knew I had to stop being mad so I could be myself again.
That wasn’t all though. The biggest thing for me was setting boundaries, both with the people who upset me and myself. I told the closest person to me that I needed space from the situation and they respected that. And then, I told myself to bite my tongue when I felt like speaking negatively. That actually worked (which I was not expecting if I’m being honest).
I calmed down hella fast. With support from some good family and friends, my counselor, and myself I finally stopped being so angry.
And it made a huge difference for ME.
It’s not about the loser who hurt you, it’s about you and your peace of mind.
I’m a lot more fun to be around when I’m not angry. I like myself more. Being chill, silly, and excited about random things THAT is me.
The best part? I’m cutting the cycle short. Hurt leads to anger and anger leads to losses. Loss creates hurt and hurt creates anger. And it goes on and on and on and on until someone is able to break it for their own sake.
Hurt people hurt people. This is painfully true. It’s not because anyone wants to hurt people (well some people do but those people are the evil of the world), but it’s because they don’t know how to break out of their cycles.
This is why I recommend ~therapy~ to those who have access. This is also why I have a distaste for our healthcare system. Everyone should have access to basic healthcare and that includes therapy. PERIOD POOH.
So in the end, just know that if something has happened to you and you feel stuck in anger, frustration, and pain there are things that can help. Get a support network. There are some free ones available that I will link below. Get into therapy if you can. You can hit me up if you need help finding an affordable one in the area (Raleigh, NC). And remind yourself that healing and letting go isn’t going to help the person who hurt you. It’s going to help YOU.
If you need help, please seek it. I was not doing very good recently and after seeking help I feel ages better. There are people out there who want to help. Remember that always.
I will practice what I preach. So call me beep me if you wanna reach me. (My phone number isn’t on my website but you can always contact me via my contact page.)
Stay cool, stay true to yourself, and…
Until Next Time,