Life always has hard moments. 

Disappointments, heart aches, stressors, etc., We can’t avoid that.

The hard times will come.

You can’t plan your way out of them.

Heavy emotions will be felt. Thoughts will run rampant. And you’ll be left with a very important decision to make: 

How do I cope with this?

I sometimes have a bad habit of acting on impulse whenever I feel anxious, depressed, or stressed.

I cope by doing whatever feels good in that moment, regardless of long term consequences. 

Hangovers, credit card debt, and lots of regret are a few common outcomes.

You get sad, you drink, you go out for a night on the town, you end up with a new tattoo, and then… the morning comes. You battle the headache and avoid your credit card statement like it’s the plague. 

Sound familiar?

We’ve all been there.

I recently had a moment of understanding as to why I sometimes choose this difficult life over a healthy life: I don’t trust my good coping skills enough.

I know the difference between good and bad coping, but I rarely trust good coping skills when the time arises. I let the shiny temptation of bad coping cloud my eyes, and I refuse to acknowledge the healthy ways I can deal with things.

Some of these skills might include:

Go to the gym, go for a walk, read a book, write a short story, enjoy an old hobby, talk to a trusting friend, community involvement, religion etc., 

Do you ever notice that in your worst moments, these things feel impossible to follow through with? Somehow, we’re enticed by the things we shouldn’t be. And the things that should draw us in suddenly become unappealing.

I think that’s because the hard stuff is easier to come by and has quicker, more intense, results.

It’s easy to grab a bottle of whisky and forget the day. It’s easy to spend money you don’t have when you don’t care about anything anymore besides a quick pleasure. It’s easy to convince yourself that it’ll only be the one time.

The one act.

Never again.

The problem with that is:

That one act can add up fast.

That’s how we fall into addiction. Depression. Anxiety. We trap ourselves in cycles and we end up going in circles. Never going anywhere, and feeling awful the whole ride.

Something has to give.

I have to trust that my good coping skills will work. That it’s worth the effort to do what’s right, not just what feels good right now.

I have to trust that my good coping skills are the key to a good life.

Have you ever noticed how people who seem to have it all together don’t spend their lives making questionable choices? They tend to have less debt, less hangovers, and less regret. They seem to have a routine and rhythm that isn’t easily broken. They’ve made their coping skills a big part of their lives, so they don’t have to turn to the questionable coping skills when the inevitable storm hits.

We are the sum of our small decisions. Each time we decide to cope one way, we write a story of what our lives will look like.

Every good workout and healthy meal is a step toward physical wellness. Just like every hangover and fast food trip is a step toward physical decline. In moderation, we can let loose and enjoy ourselves. The problem comes when we use these things to cope. Because there is always something worth coping with in this life.

It’s time we trust that good habits will create a good life for us, but it might not be so easy to make that switch. The first step, however, is trusting that good coping skills will have better long term outcomes.

How do you learn to trust that?

This is a question I’ve asked myself a lot lately. And honestly, the only real answer I’ve come to is this: you have to do the thing you want to trust, accept the outcome, and repeat often. That’s how you build trust in yourself and your coping skills. If you do it, feel better, and find meaningful release, keep doing it. If it worked before, it’ll likely work again.

For example, writing this article. Writing is one of my best coping skills, yet, when I’m not careful, I can fall out of the habit for days or weeks at a time. That usually leads me to feeling pretty out of sorts and less organized mentally. I’ve then lost a very important outlet for me. So writing, among many other things, is one of the coping skills I’m learning to trust as a safety net for coping with life. Each time I write, I reinforce how critical this healthy coping skill is.

Today was a rough day for me. I felt extremely anxious and extremely depressed at different points in the day. My mind raced with all the ways (good and bad) that I could deal with this, but since I’ve been learning to trust myself lately, I stopped, took a time out, and chose to use good coping skills over bad ones today.

At work, I simply went to the bathroom, took a moment to breathe, and went back to work focused on my goals for the day. I didn’t let my thoughts spiral, and I took a short break to gather myself. Sometimes a time out can be a great coping skill.

At home, I took a quick nap, thought of all the good stuff I could do to cope, and chose the gym as today’s outlet. Instead of laying in bed depressed all day, I chose to do something I knew would help, and it did. Then I came home, took care of my life, and sat down to write instead of scrolling tonight, because I knew it was something I needed after a long day.

I’m not full of regret, and I didn’t spend money I don’t have. That’s a huge win for me.

The point I want to make in writing this is: I am training myself to trust my good coping skills and learn to ignore the bad ones that come to mind during hard times. Something I think a lot of people like me struggle with.

I’m trying to break free of the days where I allowed myself to cope negatively. That’s not the life I want to build. Not the picture I want to paint. If you feel the same, I hope learning to trust your good coping skills will help you too.

In moments of anxiety; I’m learning to play soothing music, listen to a funny or insightful podcast, or I’ll even put my mind on a project so my anxious thoughts can’t take root.

During depression, I don’t let myself sit in bed too long. I come up with a plan of things I can turn to in these impossible moments, and I trust that they’ll work this time, just like they did last time. Even if it doesn’t feel like anything could possibly help, I’ve learned to trust the process that is good coping skills.

In the end, no matter how much I don’t want to do the good stuff, I do it anyway. And almost every time, it helps a ton.

Every time I do that, my life is one step closer to being the way I want it to be.

I am one step closer to being the person I want to be, and trusting myself to deal with the hard stuff in life the right way. Being the role model that I hope my future kids can look up to someday.

Eventually, turning these good coping skills into a natural way of life.

It’s all worth the effort.

Stay Psyched,

Psyched