Decay

Every morning my eyes grow heavier.

That stupid alarm clock won’t stop ringing.

If I get out of bed I’m fucked. If I stay in bed I’m very fucked.

I love being alive.

Every breakfast I’m a little less prepared.

That damn lunchbox doesn’t fill itself.

If I make myself food I’ll be late. If I’m late, I’m fucked.

I love having a job.

Every drive I feel more tired.

That shitty commute doesn’t get any shorter.

If I fall asleep I’m going to crash. At least I’d get some sleep after that.

I love going to work.

Every clock-in I am alone.

That old store doesn’t open itself.

If I don’t show up I’ll lose my job. I need it to pay my bills.

I love being in charge.

Every day is the same.

That long workday never changes. I do this, I do that, and then I go home.

If I didn’t I wouldn’t have a home to go to. I am grateful for that.

I love living in the modern world.

Every night flies by too fast.

That’s something I hate so bad. I see my fiancé, my friends, or my pets for only a second.

If I could see them longer I’d be happier. That would be nice.

I love the little time I have with them.

Every time I think about my daily routine I wonder.

Is that all there is for me in life?

If I try to change my path would it be worth my time? Is there a new pattern that I could call my life?

Is taking a risk worth a try?

I hope you understand I love my life, but I wonder if I could love it more sometimes.

Everyday I fade a little more.

That’s something I can’t ignore.

If I don’t do something soon, I’ll disappear. I see it everyday as I look in my mirror.

I’m decaying.

Poem by Leeann Diaz

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