“I found myself feeling trapped in a cycle of wanting more than the app could give me.”

This year I set out to create better content, read more, and find myself as a creator. 

In the last eight months I have… 

Kind of done the first part. But not really.

I read way less than I did before, I often find myself rushing through projects and creating mediocre content (even lower quality then my first few videos), and I still feel as though I don’t understand myself or my purpose as a creator. 

All of that, and the fact that I am now faced with the question of “what will I do with my life”, made me decide to leave Instagram and TikTok for a while.

I scrolled through those apps endlessly, for hours and hours a day. I didn’t read anymore. I woke up and went straight to those apps. I didn’t create as much, because I used them as an outlet of expression. I found myself often creating content that I thought would make good posts and good chances for being noticed. In short, I found myself feeling trapped in a cycle of wanting more than the app could give me.

I would not become an overnight creative sensation by making the right post on TikTok or Instagram. I would not find myself on those apps and I wouldn’t reach any of my personal goals through endless scrolling.

If anything, those apps added to my stress and feelings of not having enough time.

Can you relate?

I feel like I can’t be the only creator who hates social media at times for the pressure it puts on us for more followers and likes. The way it warps our brain into mindlessness and obedience to the algorithm.

It took away my belief in my content and made me feel like I wasn’t enough as a creator. 

Why do my podcasts not get a lot of listens? How come all of my friends are passing 100 or 500 subscribers while my YouTube can’t even manage 50? Why do my tweets no longer get likes? Why won’t some of my friends bother to read my stuff?

Can you relate?

I stepped back from social media because it was wasting my time.

It was taking away my creative energy and leaving me feeling unfulfilled and uninterested.

I never announced it or anything. I don’t care to share my information with the void, and I’m sure the few loyal followers I have won’t notice or think much of it. I made this move for myself, and I’m writing about it because I’m wondering how other small creatives feel on the topic.

Can you relate?

It’s only been a week now, but I feel significantly better. I have woken up each morning and found myself turning to a book, since I no longer waste my morning hours on an app. 

I find my downtime to be more relaxing. I’m either under a book again, or creating something fun. 

I even find myself more active now. My fiance and I went on a bike ride the other day since it was a nice day outside and we were free of distractions.

Can you relate?

The best part is, I already feel more creatively free.

I made a video that I am extremely proud of. For the first time in forever, I made a quality looking video that was well thought out. It wasn’t the best (I’m still working on my camera skills), but it was MY BEST. Something I haven’t used in a long time.

I also changed my YouTube banner on a whim, and I feel great about the change. With no pressure on me, I was able to make it whatever I wanted and I love it. 

“What will happen next?”

That’s the tagline I used in my banner. What will come from all of this? What will happen next for us? I don’t know. 

I write about whatever I want. I make videos on whatever I feel like. And I will continue to do whatever feels right. 

“What will happen next?”

I’m not sure. But for the first time in a long time I can tell you this. Whatever it is, it will be me.

Until Next Time,

Stay Psyched